The Great Pretender

Now that Roxana is two-and-three-quarters, I figure I should post an update. I should warn you, however, that this post has no pictures.

Now I know my ABCs
Roxana has known the alphabet song for several months but until recently has refused to sing it in its entirety. Whenever I'd ask, "Next time won't you sing with me?" she'd say, "No, just Momma." She'd usually chime in with an emphatic "P, S, X" in the correct place, and if I paused while singing, she'd fill in the correct letter or word. Last week, she finally decided that she would sing the song from start to finish and even gave an encore performance of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. (I wish we had a camera from which we could upload videos so that you could hear her sweet little voice. It is the sweetest sound in the whole world!)

Roxana also recognizes several letters and a few words, including her name. Whenever she sees letters that she doesn't know, she points and says, "R-O-X-D." I don't know where the "D" came from, but for many months (June-August, I think), she told people her name was R-O-X whenever she was asked. (Now she simple says,"Roxana Michal," which often sounds more like "Ocknonna Buckle.")

Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender
Around the time Roxana turned two, I noticed that she began to use her imagination much, much more. Sure, she had been mimicking our actions with objects for a long time - playing with and diapering baby dolls, blow-drying her hair with a toy drill, pretending to eat and drink, etc. - but as we were reading one day, she pretended to pick up a cat from the book. She hugged the invisible cat and handed it to me. "Pet the kitty," she said. I complied and then handed it back to her. She hit the page of the book with the palm of her hand and said, "I put it back." Then, she proceeded to take other objects out of her book and to play with them, always giving me a turn before putting them back in the book. Her imaginative play got more intricate as time passed. She'd take the basketball out of her book, dribble it ("boing, boing, boing!"), and throw it into the invisible basket.

Though she still does it, she soon decided she didn't have to retrieve objects from books, and, though she loves to play with her baby doll, she's discovered that she doesn't need a physical doll with which to play. So, baby Austin and baby Greta (my friends' babies) now accompany us everywhere we go. Roxana often exclaims, "Uh-oh! Baby Austin (or Greta or both) is crying!" (Even though these are imaginary babies, they sure do cry a lot!) Once, as we were walking by a pond, she picked up her imaginary crying babies and threw them in the water, but usually she picks them up and rocks them, soothing them by saying, "It's okay, baby," in a higher-than-usual voice. Sometimes, she'll command me to hold Austin (or Greta or both) and usually doesn't forget that that's what I am supposed to be doing. If I need to free my hands, I have learned to first put the baby/ies in the stroller or in her lap. Recently, I didn't realize I was carrying Austin and filled my hands with bags of groceries. Apparently, I dropped him, but Roxana stopped and picked him up. I'm sure you're relieved to know that he has recovered from the mishap.

Since Roxana plays with invisible toys, we have taken away her actual toys and have decided to wrap up empty boxes for Christmas and let her just imagine that there's something in them. We wouldn't want to hinder her imagination, after all. I'm kidding, of course. She enjoys her toys, especially those which require her to use her imagination. Her kitchen provides the most entertainment - both for her and for me. It's fun to watch her pretend to crack her eggs on the counter, dump the contents from the shells into a bowl, put the shells back into the egg crate, stir the eggs, and put the bowl in the oven or on the stove or in the microwave. She even remembers to use a pot holder or oven mitt when retrieving it. Come on over for some eggs and tea! Roxana is quite the cook!

Memory...
In addition to a great imagination, Roxana has a great memory. It amazes me, really. For example, Roxana's purple cup had been missing for a long time, and I finally asked John if he knew where it was. He didn't, but Roxana said, "My purple cup's in the garage." I was confused at first, but then I remembered we had left it out there after taking a walk through the neighborhood. Sure enough, it was just where she said it would be. Now, whenever I can't remember where something is, I just ask Roxana because she always seems to know.

Even if she doesn't know, she can find it quickly. The other day, I couldn't find my keys. I almost always hang them up when I come into the house and grab them on my way out the door. I was ready to walk out the door, but the keys weren't hanging in their usual spot. I had no clue where they were, and I finally asked Roxana if she knew. She glanced around, and within seconds exclaimed, "They're in Momma's hand!" Yep. I'm an idiot.

Okay, I forgot what I was talking about. Oh, yeah...MEMORY! ;) We introduced Roxana to the game recently, and she does pretty well when there are about twelve cards. She likes the games Memory and High Ho Cheerio, but Cootie is her favorite.

...All alone in the moonlight
I wish I were keeping a better record of the cute things Roxana says and does. Here are a few things she's said and done recently that have made me smile, laugh, or grimace.

October 25 (half moon): "Somebody cut the circle moon in half. Somebody needs to fix it."
October 31 (nearly full moon): "Somebody cut the... hey, somebody fixed it! It's a circle now!"
November 20 (crescent moon): "Somebody cut the moon up. Somebody needs to fix it. Papa can!"

November 14: Roxana unzipped her pants, walked up to the potty, lifted the lid, and said, "I'm a boy." Ironically, this happened around the time I made reference on facebook to the GoGirl. ("You won't be like a man. You'll just pee like one.") Maybe I'll give Roxana one for Christmas so that she won't have nothing but empty boxes under the Christmas tree.

November 20: I gave Roxana a small bowl of ice cream, and her eyes lit up as a smile spread over her face. She happily exclaimed, "I smell it!" I asked, "What does it smell like?" to which she replied "Toots!" Probably because her answer took me by surprise, it cracked me up. Apparently both she and I share the sense of humor of a nine-year-old boy named Zeke.

(That reminds, something I hear several times a day is "That's funny!" or "Momma's funny!" So, Roxana, if you're reading this and are in the everything-my-momma-does-embarrasses-me-or-makes-me-roll-my-eyes stage, just know that you once appreciated my sense of humor. True, you could argue that only a two-year-old would appreciate my sense of humor, and perhaps you'd be right, but still...)

Oh, happy day!
Oh, before the clock strikes midnight, let me wish everyone a happy National Adoption Day! Not only am I thankful for Roxana, but I am so grateful to be part of a wonderful community of adoptive families. We appreciate all of the support and encouragement you have provided over the past couple of years.

We have much for which to be thankful and hope you do, too. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Please, sir, I want s'mores

-I love 'er!


P.S. For my mom, who often doesn't get my lame sense of humor:
"Please, sir, I want some more." - Oliver Twist
"Please, sir, I want s'mores." -Roxana Morgan (No, Roxana didn't say that, nor did she even want s'mores.)
I know what you're NOT thinking. "Oh, how I love 'er twists on things!"

Great expectations

We're not exactly adopting, and we're not exactly pregnant, but...

We are expecting! John's brother's wife Kellie is carrying our child. Isn't that amazing?! We are so grateful for Kellie and for the incredible gift she is giving us.

If you’re wondering how this came to pass, feel free to read the long story which follows:

Several years ago, Kellie asked if John and I had ever considered using a surrogate in order to have a child. I explained that I did not have a problem carrying a child -- just conceiving one-- and that John and I had no intention of conceiving a child through in vitro fertilization: we would much rather give a child a chance for a home than ourselves a chance for a child.

That we did! Two years ago, into our lives came a child more wonderful than we'd ever imagined. The path we chose led us to Roxana, and we are so glad to have taken it. While still in Kazakhstan, John and I discussed starting the adoption process again as soon as we returned home. Our daughter had already brought us so much joy, and we were excited about adding another child, a sibling for Roxana, to our family.

We began looking into adopting another Romani child, perhaps from Bulgaria, but soon faced the reality that we lacked the financial means to adopt again. We were still recovering from the first adoption, and I'd quit my job to stay at home with Roxana. Not only was it my desire to be a stay-at-home mom, but it was also her doctor's recommendation. I was unwilling to return to work and sacrifice Roxana's well-being and my time with her, yet I was also not willing to give up hope of having another child.

So, we did that which we thought we'd never do: in vitro fertilization. To my surprise, I conceived. Sadly, my pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Several embryos remained, and I again got news of a positive pregnancy test following a frozen embryo transfer. The fate of the second pregnancy was the same as that of the first.

I was upset not only by the loss of my pregnancies also by the loss of precious time. We could have assembled and submitted a dossier and could have been a year closer to bringing home another child. Sure, we didn't have the money to complete an adoption even if we had started one, but still…We'd gotten nowhere.

I don’t exactly recall how it came up in conversation, but Kellie again posed the question, “Would you ever consider using a surrogate?” Of course, this time around, my response was different. We had done IVF, and I had discovered that carrying a pregnancy was indeed a problem. I jokingly replied, "Why do you ask? Are you offering?" I was dumbfounded when she said, "Yeah, actually I am."

I knew Kellie was serious, for she didn’t say such things flippantly. She was offering us the chance to have another child! I was flooded with emotions of gratitude and awe. I recognized the magnitude of Kellie’s offer, and though I wanted another child, I tried to dissuade her. After all, she had her own family to care for. What if she experienced extreme nausea and fatigue? What if she got pregnant with multiples and ended up on bed rest? What if the pregnancy compromised her own health? How would giving up a child with whom she'd formed an inevitable bond affect her? I worried about the inconveniences and the emotional and physical complications this could bring to her.

Despite my negativity, Kellie never wavered. Even after undergoing an unexpected surgery, her offer stood. Finally, after six months of delays and frustrations, Kellie came to Alabama from North Carolina for an embryo transfer.

Conditions were ideal, but she did not conceive. I was saddened more by her disappointment than by the results of the pregnancy test. She had been so optimistic, but the news dampened her spirits. She felt angry and distressed and confused. She had placed a great deal of pressure on herself. Like us, she wanted so badly for the this to work.

Much to everyone's delight, it did work! Our last three embryos were thawed and transferred to Kellie on August 27, a year and a half after we started on this journey. News of a positive pregnancy test came on September 8, and the first ultrasound on September 21 revealed a healthy, singleton pregnancy. The second trimester has just begun, and the baby will likely make his or her appearance in early May.

Kellie has been a real trooper throughout this frustrating, painful, time-consuming, exhausting, and sometimes nauseating experience. I commend and appreciate all that she is doing for us. Thanks to Kellie, our baby is thriving.

We can’t wait to hold our child in our arms. We will forever hold Kellie in our hearts.

Pretty pole dancin' princess

Here are some pictures from a few weeks ago.

Royal tea party at the library

A visit to Birmingham Botanical Gardens

(No, Roxana didn't learn these moves from me!)

By the way, Roxana went for a follow up visit to the ENT today, and she's up to a whopping 24 pounds! The tube in her left ear is open, but the one in her right ear is blocked. Her hearing seems to be unaffected, but I guess she's at risk for recurring ear infections in that ear since fluids can't drain. She hasn't had any problems thus far, and I hope that doesn't change.

Stay tuned for some exciting news!

Meow Remix

Meow Mix

"I like chocolate; I like Dum-dums.
Trick or treat! Please give me num-nums!"

My, how you have grown!

On October 22, 2007, we entered the Dolphin Baby House in Kostanai, Kazakhstan full of nervous excitement, and we left full of wondrous joy. We'd met Roxana, and our lives were forever changed.



Since I Met You, Baby (0:00-2:03)
begins on October 22, 2007, the day we met Roxana, and documents our visits with her at the baby house

Baby Mine (2:03-4:07)
begins on December 6, 2007, the day we took Roxana from the baby house into our full-time care, and documents our first few months as a family

Little Bitty Pretty One (4:07-5:43)
begins on Easter Sunday 2007 and documents the remainder of our first year as a family

Brown-Eyed Girl (5:43-8:29)
documents our second year as a family